Saturday, April 16, 2011

Whale in the Millpond & Realizing My Butt is Too Big

Being a big fish in a small pond has its advantages.

But what do you do when you realize your big old fishy butt is getting in your own way, making it impossible to stretch your fins and actually swim anywhere? 

 Dory, Marlin, and the whale (c) Disney/Pixar. Durr.

I feel like I've had a huge reality check lately. I've been spending less time in some places and more time in others. It's funny how the more you learn, the more you realize you still have to learn. One of the things I feel is appealing about being an artist is that it's a life-long journey with oneself, and it is a skill that you take with you wherever you go. Your skills can always get better; you can always learn something; there's always an other level to accomplish. But I also find that this can be incredibly intimidating to me.

Like I said, I've been making pretty decisive choices about where I've been spending my time lately. Not because I'm an elitist or a snob, but like I touched upon in this post, I feel an incredible sense of urgency in my life to stay focused and really make an effort to maximize the small amount of time I actually do have now that I'm working full time.
(On a complete side-note, I am waiting to hear some news, and then I will possibly be looking into a longer tour-contract with Cirque du Soleil.)

Since I have done that, I feel my millpond has exploded and opened up into a vast ocean, a place where all I'm familiar with are the shallows (baby pool imagery comes to mind), and huge creatures could eat me for lunch without a second thought. It's exhilarating in a way, and completely terrifying. 

We all love to hear our own voices. We all want to believe we are skilled at something, and can share that with others. But for me personally, I feel it is well beyond time that I shut my trap and just listen. Being a whale in a millpond gives a nice sense of security, but it reveals its falsities once one discovers the ocean.

In the millpond, you get lazy. In the millpond, you grow a nice big fat cushy butt, and all you do is sit on it.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you're feeling changes! Hopefully you can keep this feeling in mind for a while :) I always feel like I make TONS of progress while I'm inspired :P


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