Friday, October 31, 2008

I got tired of waiting
wondering if you were ever coming around
my faith in you was fading
when I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

romeo save me I’ve been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
is this in my head, I don’t know what to think
he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,

marry me juliet you’ll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Miss How You Lie With Me

You own everything about it; not me, not me.

The ships have come to take me home, home.
How I long for home, home.
How I miss how you lay beside me.
What I would give to come home again.

On a completely separate note, I figured out why I like Panera cappuccinos best: they taste like Italy. I miss Italy... If I went there, maybe I could forget this life and maybe my heart would be full of happy curiosity again.

...what can I say about this? I'm not sure about anything... except that I'm scared. I'm not ready to dive into a relationship... how ironic. I am afraid of commitment... I'm not ready for serious. I just wanted to have fun. Why is this getting ahead of me? I'm not over it... I'm not ready to "be" with someone else...

Latest sketch for a painting I'm thinking of:

Saturday, October 25, 2008

And just when I thought the weekend couldn't tire me out enough... I want to go out again :)

The way that you're walkin
The way that you're talkin
You're the one I wanna spend this night with.

Very unexpected meeting... so much fun. Never thought I'd hit it off like that.

Ultimately, I just wanna keep having fun. :)

And yet...
I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out, I breathe in
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe,
I'd make you forget.

If I could, I'd make me forget.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


"Always entertain strangers, for in doing so you have entertained angels."

What a lovely day. It's been a busy week... I've had so much to do at work I've barely had time to think about anything else. I really miss doing art... I have no time. Praise God for the opportunity to be me every day of my life.

There must be a person out there somewhere who will see me for who I have become and hold me and understand. There's gotta be somebody for me like that. There's gotta be somebody who really is different.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I take that back. Sometimes I don't feel ready for anything.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I'm ready to meet you, whoever you are.'s just time.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

"And so I rode the waves of my euphoria, and crashed amongst the debris of my despair."

Sunday, October 12, 2008

"When you're going through hell, keep going."

So tired. So tired.

My life has become so interesting, and it surprises me every day. Perhaps I need to really see the people I sometimes don't see and start to really invest in the things I merely would toss spare change at before.

The most unexpected people can remind you of who you are, and how you've almost forgotten that person. And how you can't let them go.

Tonight I realized that I have built a ten-foot wall around me that was never there before.

Friday, October 10, 2008

I should tell you, I should tell you
I should tell you, I should - no
Another time - another place
Our temperature would climb
There'd be a long embrace
We'd do another dance
It'd be another play.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Baby, your picture's gone; couldn't stand to see your smile.

I'm trying to erase you from my mind.

I doubt you ever think of me. I'm so tired of remembering you.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Can someone erase my memory, please?

No, it's not enough
Don't touch my hand and call it love
If you can't hold it tight tonight
If you're not strong enough.

I am okay a lot of the time. And other times I am reminded of just how disappointed I am.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

You say you want a revolution, well you know, we all wanna change the world.

Don't you know it's gonna be alright?

I am doing so many things all at once. I'm like a cocktail of emotions - colourful, exciting, but it'll put you on the floor before you know it. Honestly, I am enjoying my single nature... it's not something I've experienced a lot of, and it's proven to be pretty okay so far. I think, in every area of my life, God is trying to tell me, "Erin! Get a move on! You've got so much in front of you - your opportunities are endless!" If only God would put a neon sign in front of my face and tell me which way to go... I feel like I have too many options right now. I want to do something awesome in my career, I'm just not sure how to take the first steps. Once I get on the road, I'm good, though. I need to decide where I would like to go to grad school and start putting together my portfolio - I know it'll take at least a year or two to come up with work good enough for MICA, NYU, or RISD. We will see.

But everyday proves to be another day that I'm alive and thankful. Whatever doesn't kill me will only make me stronger, and I am constantly reminded that I'm pretty darn strong. A lot has happened. You used to say "hold on to me"; well, I held on. And you let go. And I'm still here, standing.

I don't think I need you.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Everything I am is for Your glory; everything I am, for You, Lord!

The earth stands still without You; we can only move because You made us to.

There are a million things that move and inspire and enthrall my heart. Sometimes the world is so beautiful that my heart hurts inside of my chest because it's too much to take in at once. One of God's most wonderful creations is colour. God bursts forth from all colours, reaching out, putting His fingerprints all over my heart, captivating me. God knows me so well; He knows exactly how to get my undivided attention.

I want people to look at me and to see a woman who is after God's heart.

I want to love You more tangibly; I want to seek You in every single moment of my life. I want to forget all of my hurts and doubts and fears and find real hope in You. I have become cynical; I do not trust anyone on this planet to care for me except for myself. I have known this since I was a child. My mother has always said to me, "Erin, no matter what - you must always be able to support and care for yourself". Perhaps this is the nature of my parents' divorce, but this is hardwired into me. I can only count on myself, for I am the only one would will be standing with me in the end, apart from God. This perspective is all the more enforced by my past relationships. And yet, I am still wondering, with broken curiosity and trembling fingers, if such a person exists: is there one person that God has made for me, who will stand beside me? I am terrified to find happiness. I have found it before, and it was turned off with almost robotic intentionality. When I find happiness, I do not give myself fully to it, I am still shy and distant because I am afraid of this very thing happening. I have since learned that it will inevitably happen - it is only a matter of time before happiness simply ceases to exist and I am left alone, still trying to recover from the shock. I want to believe that God loves me enough to design such a person for me: someone who sees me as I am, who sees my fears and understands them, someone who will not give up on me because they are afraid. I want to believe this; understandably, I am sometimes doubtful. But I think that maybe the lesson I need to learn is not that I should not ever open myself up to another; perhaps the lesson here is that I need to find this completeness and happiness in God first.

I am starting to learn. Everyday I learn. Everyday I grow. I am moving on in the best way I know how. Praise God for women; He designed them to be such wonderful creatures. I am thankful beyond words for the counsel and fellowship of my friends.

As I go on in my life, even when everything else seems uncertain and unpredictable, I have always been able to come to You in my weakest moments, when I surely thought I would not see the light of another day, and You have always always always been faithful to me. I doubt and I struggle on a daily basis, and You know my inmost thoughts; You made me into who I am. Thank You for the ability to create beautiful things and share them with others - You know better than anyone the joy of creation! I will stand by You always, even if I stand by nothing and no one else.

Everything I am is for Your glory; everything I am for You, Lord.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

And now I am rebooting.

What a fantastic night ;) I do enjoy being a girl.

Friday, October 3, 2008

"That's life: computers crash, people die, and relationships fall apart. The only thing we can really do is breathe and reboot."

I am so disillusioned with everything that you ever were to me.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Today, I finally understand why this happened.
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