Sunday, June 21, 2009

Take Every Chance You Dare

"Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?"

[Work in Progress - ignore my scribblies, please]

After talking to my dad on the phone for awhile today, I continue to remember when he said, "You will know when you are in the right situation." I have noticed that, like many of my friends, we all have our own ways of dealing with the post-graduation-f*-I-dunno-what-to-do-with-my-life blues. Mine has been an underlying sense of panic and frustration that only surfaces when I am not running around like a crazy person doing ten million things at once. The road ahead is strangely uncertain, especially when I turn around to see a neatly paved street behind me, clearly marked and flagged with directions. I look ahead to see hundreds of paths, like streaming tributaries from a great, wide river. I long for "the right situation", and the most frustrating part is that I have no idea what it will look like, though I apparently will know when it arrives.

This season can only be known as my Painted Summer, where I make the choices that point me ahead, where I decorate myself with all that I hold dear, pack it close, and carry it along the road like a thousand glittering jewels.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

From the truth of my heart to the depths of yours.

I can't find my watch
and I can't find my wallet

So how in the hell am I supposed to find
the one that I love?
the one that I need?
Hidden so high,
buried so deep.

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Night We Fixed the Roof

I wish my fingers didn't ache. I wish my eyes didn't droop.

I am often caught off-guard by the fleeting fragility of life. I am surprised by its quirks and the way things work out. Like smoke floating over the rooftops, the moments of our lives quickly pass into the ashes that fall among the cracks in the sidewalk where they lay tired - forgotten - lost - as we carry on high above, oblivious, in the lamplight. Last night I stared at the stars and questioned the purpose of my own life. What do I ascribe to? What is my goal? Where do I go from here? I am disheartened to report that they were silent, swimming in a sea of deep, tight-lipped blue. Will I be able to accomplish all that I dream before that sea swallows me whole and I turn to ashes and fall among the cracks in the sidewalk to be forgotten in a shadow?

Tutti e per la vita che non c'e.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Lunchtime Fables and New Shoes

I have a funny relationship with pickles. I don't like them, but whenever I am offered a pickle or it comes with my lunch, I accept it. It always looks really good, so I will always take a bite, hoping to enjoy it. As soon as I taste it, I remember why I don't like pickles - they're not good.

Ironically, I find that this analogy applies to the men in my life. Without going down the wrong street here, I want to suggest that a lot of the guys I meet are often like this: they look good, but as soon as I "try them out", I remember why I don't like them - they're not good.

Here's the catch: I keep going back, even when I already know that I've tried it before and I don't like it. Why?

But then, when I feel like I'm going it alone, I seem to see the sky in your eyes.

[New and a bit alarming
Who'd have ever thought that this could be?]

Oh God I'm emo --- NEW SHOES [!]

Monday, June 8, 2009

I just know there's something bigger out there

Hey guys

Recently, some exciting stuff has been happening! A pair of my shoes went to France! And I recently returned from Disney World, where I connected with an artist showing his work in Downtown Disney; he really liked my work (I showed him my sketch journal, completely red-faced) and grabbed an artist submission form for me, so I will possibly (and hopefully!) be showing/selling my work down there soon. It was so reassuring to have such positive feedback from someone who makes a living in the field. I feel like I have had such affirmation lately :) I will also be starting my FIRST pair of mens shoes. Not sure how I feel about them, but I guess I won't love it 'til I try it.

After being in Disney, I REALLY want to do a quick painting of Ariel or some other Disney Princess. Maybe Pocahontas - she's my favourite, since I'm Native American.

I have been rehearsing for The Wiz with my roommate; I learned our tap-dancing number tonight! It will take a lot of practice! I have never tapped a step in my entire life, hahaha... we'll have to see how this goes...

Monday, June 1, 2009

I can't escape walking down these halls | Have to find a place where there are no walls

I must make art to be happy. I must, I must.

"Picture myself running like hell
Making my getaway.
The walls are caving in with no warning,
Should be sinking,
I gotta swim for it - I'm running out of air -
Break me out tonight
I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here."
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