Friday, March 25, 2011

Fear, Death, and Making a Lasting Impression

"Don't worry: if you fall, you can't go past the ground!"
From Qinni's News Article on dA.

My biggest fear is waking up when I'm 45, and realizing that I just settled into complacency with my aspirations, and never actually achieved them. I don't know why I have the mentality that accomplishments are only meaningful to the young... but I often wonder how much time I have here.

Everyone's heard the statistic that more people are scared of public speaking than they are of dying. Well, growing up the oldest child, and doing ridiculous amounts of school and community theatre, public speaking was never an issue for me; I have always and forever been an extrovert and a performer. But in the last few years, I have developed a complete fear of death. It scares me to think that one day, the dust from my bones will be gone and I will cease to exist. It's strange to really wrap one's mind around that, and when you are hit with the gut-wrenching realization of it, you can feel the jolt of panic zip through your chest.

I don't want my life to be ho-hum. I don't want the highlight of my week to be the produce sale at my supermarket, or the most creative question in my day to be "what's for dinner?". I want to impact the world, and I want to leave a lasting impression. Perhaps that's the reason for my sense of urgency. I think often about the fact that tomorrow is never promised, so I always try to achieve something or reach some level of productivity everyday.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble, just working through some thoughts.

I'm thinking of blogging some weird crazy dreams I've had and recorded in my little dream journal thing I keep on my nightstand. Some of them are pretty entertaining, hah.

Also, new bow rings up in the shop!


  1. Aw! I'm sure you'll achieve everything you want to Erin :)
    I myself am one of those people who is deathly afraid of public speaking. And I guess my second fear after that would be becoming useless to my girlfriend.

  2. I can relate. I am terrified of death, and I worry about what I will leave behind. I often cannot sleep at night because I am not able to shake those thoughts from head.
    I am sure you will make an impact. Your art, jewelry, and other creative foot prints are already making their way into the world. Just think about each necklace you have sold, and each commission you have completed... they have made it out into the hands of others, and I am sure your lovely work brings joy to those people. It may not be a huge impact, but even the tiny ones count and add up...and in my opinion help create that lasting impression.
    One thing you have that most people don't is the knowledge of what you want, and the ability and guts to take the steps in the right directions. So keep up all of your hard work. ^_^

  3. I can relate to this post so much, although I grew up as more of an introvert and have close to no experience with public speaking. Death is definitely my biggest fear. The fear of public speaking can be overcome. Death is unavoidable. It's strange to think about isn't it?

    A lot of people want to make a difference in the world. I know I do. I feel that urgency just like you. I think the difference between you and the majority of the world, is that you are actively trying to make an impact. You're halfway to succeeding already.

    Anyway, hi, I'm Stephanie :) I became a follower of your blog a couple weeks ago and read your posts every once in a while. You've been inspirational!

  4. Chris - Thanks so much! Admittedly, I've been feeling discouraged lately. Hopefully the warming weather will lift my spirits :)

    Dani - Thanks so much for commenting, and for the great perspective and encouragement :) I really appreciate that!

    Miss Oddball - Totally agree! Death seems to final, which is scary. Thanks so much for the encouragement :) And for saying hi! Thanks for reading my silly blog posts!

  5. Ha, I'm ridiculously terrified of public speaking.

    I guess with my illness, I've grown accustomed to the idea of death, and it doesn't bother me much anymore. If it happens, it happens, I guess.

    I think it's important to not let your fear get the best of you, and keep you from living your life to the fullest. There are people who just close up and refuse to do anything, for fear of what tomorrow brings.

    It seems like as far as that goes, you have the right idea. I would just try not to worry about it so much. It can add stress and pressure on you, if you're rushing to get as much done as possible while you can.

    Also, I must say I adore the rings you put in your shop haha
    I'm turning into more of a girly girl lately. I've always worn a necklace or ring or two, but now I feel the need to wear some brighter and cuter things. I'll have to look over your shop again after class and show my mom. I'm sure she'd love your jewelry as well!

  6. Britt - I'm sorry to hear about your illness... I'm not sure I'd be as mature as you seem to be about it. My friend and I have decided to put on our Indiana Jones Gear and find the Fountain of Youth. Lol

    And thank you <3 I've been getting into the girlier mood lately. I got my ears pierced when I was 9 and besides special occasions, I never wear earrings lol. And now I'm 24. But I've been trying to wear more jewelry lately, especially my own stuff :) Thanks for the compliments! I especially love the Bow Rings - they're super popular right now :)

  7. The bow rings are really cute haha

    I also really like the bow necklace you have, but I think white looks weird on me, because I'm so pale xD
    I usually wear darker colours.
    My birthstone is garnet, so I wear a lot of silver jewelry with dark red garnets.
    I just feel like the darker colours compliment my skin tone better.
    I love floral pieces as well. I've always had a love for flowers and plants, no matter how tomboyish I came off as.

    And Indiana Jones gear? Count me in!

    I was 14 when I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, so I had to do a lot of growing up. As horrid as it can be sometimes, I feel like in a way my illness has really helped me. I rediscovered my love for art, and even met my husband because of it (:
    Funny how life works, eh?


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