Saturday, April 18, 2009

Shine Your light and let the whole see | I'm singing for the glory of the Risen King

I'm singing for the glory of You, my King.
Let mercy fall on me.
Sometimes it doesn't seem enough to take a moment to say thank you. Sometimes I have to pause and take a good look at my life; I am incredibly blessed. I have the self-destructive habit of letting my individual stresses bind together, allowing them to conquer my reason and my humility. I get so wrapped up in my day to day dealings with life that I forget My Saviour, I forget the good things in my life, I forget my health and my friends and my family. I let the darkness overcome me with despair and I forget that God has written promise and hope into every vein of my body.

My last post spoke of a great deal of anger; let it be known that my heart is often times filled with light. We all have our moments of darkness, and I don't question that I seem to have more shadowy corners than most. I am dealing with a great deal of hurt; I have asked God to forgive me for the choices I have made that have perpetuated that hurt instead of coming directly to Him to seek healing. I sought it in all the wrong places, I sought false, fleeting moments instead of lasting peace. And though I know that God has forgiven me, I cannot find relief because I still don't know how to fundamentally forgive myself for having such lapses in judgment I have always thought to be sound.

How lucky am I to have a Saviour who can pardon my weakness when I cannot comprehend it myself! How blessed am I to have a Saviour who can read my words of anger and betrayal and gently mold them into words of healing and restoration. This time last year I was creating work that explained God's Rejuvenation within my own heart, and though I don't feel quite ready right now, I know I will paint that picture again one day soon with the joy I originally felt.

For where there was darkness and desperate loneliness, now there is only hope and the determination to rise above. My thankful heart beats openly before Him;

it is like fresh, spring rain.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
You rose and conquered the grave,
Lord, You conquered the grave!

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

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