Tuesday, April 14, 2009

If I ever got rich, I'd give a lot away.

I love the music of Lord of the Rings.

I read that the art we create in our minds is often better and therefore stifles the creation of work in reality. I suffer from this. I lay still, motionless, living in my mind, letting beauty fill in the gaps between my eyes. I am afraid that the things I achieve in my thoughts are too advanced for the work of my hands to conceive, let alone master.

I dreamed last night that I held a little blue sparrow in my hands. You strode through the door, and plucked its feathers, skinned it to the bone it in a matter of moments... and then left without a word, showing the true colours of your cowardice. As I watched your back, I wondered if I could ever forgive you. I looked down at the blood that speckled my hands and the tile floor. It evaporated, and behind me I heard a flutter. I turned and saw a peacock standing there; I followed it into the sunlight.

You say, "Seek and ye shall find." Please let me find, and soon. Some days I am filled with unspeakable anger, though it drives me to be the best I can be to show you exactly how strong I am; exactly how much I can endure; and how you cannot conquer me, how you cannot steal from me, how you cannot rob me again.

Everything precious to me seems lost.


  1. Amen. You should read some of the books I write in my mind. They're pretty amazing. And intensely profound.

  2. Chad,

    I'll bet :) Funny how when things actually manifest themselves in reality, it's sadly not so glorious as we thought it to be?


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