Wednesday, November 5, 2008

"Come stai, Erin?" "Ai, sto bene? Dove sei la mia mente?"

I am not sure of what to say. I have so many things running all over my brain...

I am extremely frustrated and burnt out... but my callers make it all worth my while. I love them, and they rock so freaking hard. At least I am learning more and more about what I do and don't want... I can't help feeling like there's no one who understands how I feel. I have so much stress in my life, and I am just trying to wade through it as it claws farther up my neck. There isn't even really a light at the end of the tunnel. My exhausted heart just pounds before God, humbly asking Him to remind me that there is a brighter day in store, when things will be more certain, when things will be easier. All I can do is wake up each morning and do the things on my list and hope that relief will eventually come. Sometimes holding myself to a standard of excellence seems almost sadistic. But how can I slow down? If I do, it is reflected so poorly on me, and that is just unacceptable. I do not know how to fail at things. ...I would give just about anything to be a student again. I've been looking at grad schools, some here and there. Just doing research for the future, I suppose. I can't help feeling cramped here in PA. There is so much out there that I am just dying to experience and see and breathe in; and no matter how terrified of it I may be, I just want to dive in, even if it's by myself. Just anxious to matter. Just anxious to make a difference and share beauty with others. I know that that is why God made me. If the veins and cells of my hands can create something that will resonate within someone else, well, then I'll have found my contentment. I am truly humbled that God gave me the gift to make beautiful things, just as He is the creator of beautiful things - that He even poured one ounce of His creativity into me to share it with others is my greatest honour.

May it be an evening star shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh how far you are from home.

1. Taking my car in tomorrow, hopefully it will be more efficient afterwards.
2. Love my Hans Zimmer station on Pandora radio.
3. Sort of sad that my book is ending soon, but it means that I'll be able to get back to reading Sword of Truth. And I know I won't be able to put that one dooowwwnnn <3
4. CRAVING Gladiator and sushi like it's my job.
5. I never get a moment alone at the office, so it's incredible to have it now... I miss peaceful, reflective Erin time.

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