You dance over me while I am unaware.

California is 2 days away. Weird. And scary. And ridiculously exciting! I am on my way to doing what I love, and though I know the going may get tough at times, I'm ready to take the dive and figure it out. I'm really lucky to have such a good, true-blue friend helping me out. I know I would not have been able to do this without him. It's been nice to have a break from work after working such an intense schedule at Messiah, and I'm honestly ready to just do something that makes me happy. I'll be working at my internship for Ximena and probably waitressing at a restaurant of some sort. Although it's not the most glamourous life, my internship is an investment that I'm making. Once I figure out what my hours are for Ximena, I will be trying to fit in work and my other internship with The Peoples Shoe, which is only 1-2 days a week, which is nice. I know it will all work out.

I remember back to early July when I was still deciding what to do. I am glad I trusted God and trusted my heart. At that point, everything and all the logistics seemed overwhelming. And yet, once again, the pieces have fallen into place.

"I want you to know that it doesn't matter
where we take this road.
Someone's gotta go."

Say Hello, Say Hello to a New Way

"I was lost, but I found
what I was looking for
Waking up, waking up
to a new day."

I have finally seemed to find where I belong. I am so freaking excited <3 Very nervous, but ridiculously thrilled. Leaping with faith, landing on solid ground. Did I expect any less?

It's a brand new year.

HUGE NEWS MY DEARS <3

BIG NEWS

I GOT THE INTERNSHIP I REALLY WANTED!!!!
The internship is with Fashion Designer Ximena Valero! I love her work! I am so incredibly excited to work with her – but I am in shock!!! I just got the email a few minutes ago and I’m sitting here ready to go to bed. I feel like I should be celebrating this chance of a lifetime! Man, I wish I had gone out earlier and bought that bottle of wine I had thought about. Nuts! Oh well – tomorrow I’ll treat myself to something sweet to eat and maybe some classy drinks. I start September 7th, so I have about 2 weeks to figure out how the heck I’m gonna move my car out there and get everything set up. Fortunately, I have one of the best friends EVER who has offered to let me stay with him temporarily. What a blessing.

Ahem. Anyways… as an intern I will be doing pretty much anything I can to help out Ximena: running errands to get supplies and fabric, Fed-Exing everything, doing some PR work, contacting magazines, helping with photoshoots, and helping with any runway shows she might have during the time of my internship. I am so thrilled to be diving in and getting some fantastic experience, and Ximena and her business partner Jaime are the most welcoming, nicest people. I am absolutely starstruck. And very, very happy.

So I'll Stand

"Lord Jehovah reigns in majesty
We will bow before His throne
We will worship Him in righteousness
We will worship Him alone.

He is Lord of Heaven,
Lord of earth,
He is Lord of all who live
He is Lord of all the universe
All praise to Him we give.

O Hallelujah to the King of Kings,
Hallelujah to the Lamb!
Hallelujah to the Lord of Lords,
who is the Great I Am."

So, what can I say? And what can I do? But offer this heart, O God, completely to You?

There are so many times in life where I am halted in my tracks by God's faithfulness. I don't know if I got lucky with extra blessings or what, but lately I am finding more than ever that God is making Himself more and more evident to me. I have found such joy where I never thought I could; I have found independence and peace growing in places I thought I would only find brokenness and pain. I started writing this entry in the very exact physical location in which I thought my heart may never mend again. Of course, I realized this halfway through a post about God's faithfulness and the overwhelming joy and thankfulness within my heart, 2 days before the one year marker of being my own small unit again. And what a year it has been. I can't help but reflect on God's provision in my life; how He has restored my soul; how He has lit up my heart. How He can make me laugh with His irony. Here I sit in a very real reminder of pain, and yet I see it now only as a place of redemption. I see only a place that God has made clean. A place I look upon with fresh eyes and am reminded of this verse (which is ironically the Verse of the Day),

"I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live." - Psalm116:1-2

It is true: Lord Jehovah reigns in supreme, unending, unyielding majesty. He is the Lord of the Universe; the King of my heart.

And if you ever read this, I forgive you. And I just wish I could give you a hug.

Here's to the Next Step.

First, let's start off with some art.

Some of you have seen this on my Facebook/DA, but I really enjoy this doodle. Started off as a scribble that was only frustrating me, but it ended up being a really enjoyable exercise.

On the job front, my interview with the Peoples Shoe (www.thepeoplesshoe.com) went really well, and I got the internship :) The internship is really cool, actually. They really liked my shoe designs, and now is the perfect time to intern because they're coming out with their new line of shoes, and they're starting their first Look-Book. SO they said that they'd let me design an exclusive piece for the line and to put in the LookBook. And they saw my website and really liked my illustration and wanted to add some background illustrative elements to the LookBook as well. It's only 1-2 days a week, but that gives me the flexibility to either get another internship with the same amount of hours, or look for a mostly full-time job.

Tuesday I had my first interview with Ximena Valero (www.ximenavalero.com). She's shown at New York Fashion Week twice, as well a bunch of major shows around the globe, and on Tuesday I got to meet her in her studio. While I've been out here, I've been designing my portfolio for her, and she said she loved my designs (and especially my shoes - she said she'd buy them!) and she said that I was "a true artist". It was awesome to hear that kind of feedback from someone I really admire. :) :) Earlier this evening I had my second interview with her and her business partner and fiance, Jaime. I learned a bit more about the internship, and it's definitely hands-on and a really great learning experience. I'd be learning a lot of the business side of producing a line, running errands, going to photoshoots and fashion shows, and whatnot. I would absolutely love to work for her. From the feedback I got, I can only assume that I have a good chance at getting the internship. Then I will move back out to LA and go for a trial-run of 2 weeks. Then comes the 3 month internship deal. So we will see. I find out by Wednesday of next week. Wish me luck :)

My portfolio for Ximena :)

The Glamourous, Glamourous.

I am so afraid that I will never "make it". In fact, I don't even know what I mean when I even say that. What am I trying to attain? What am I aiming for? What is my ultimate goal?

I have not written very often lately. I guess this blog is a combination of conversations I've had with friends lately, my own anticipation of my own "move" (or, rather, "experimental living" - that sounds weird) to California, and just downright frustration with the possibility of being forced to live back at home.

If you know me, you know I like spontaneity; however, you know that sometimes I get frustrated when there's no set "plan". I am honestly tired of whining about the lack of a plan, and the metaphors about roads and paths are getting really old really fast. Yet I can't help still feeling this way. This past year out of school has honestly felt like a tragedy at times. What I was told would be my freedom has been my jail cell. Me, the naive college grad, believed what everyone told me: the world was at my feet! Go out and grab it! I would kindly like to tell those people, TV ads, well-intentioned cards, etc to shove it. The first year out of school is like going through denial and withdrawal from the best drug your bloodstream has ever tasted. And you are alone. So utterly alone. In an economy that's tanking (although I am starting to believe it may be actually starting to maaaaaybe turn around). You are stuck and it seems like nothing will go your way. In the words of the immortal Mitch Hedberg, "The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. Good luck, fucker! This payment must be made in wampom!" In all summation, you're pretty screwed. But hey, things can only look up. You will only move up in life, won't you? Which brings me to my next point:

Where are we going? Since the day we were born, we were learning, using, and practicing skills that would help us attain that sought-after college degree. And surely that piece of paper would point us in the right direction. It would light the way to the next step. But no one said anything about that next step being in plain sight. Or that you'd have to leap over a cliff's edge to get there, or that you'd have to navigate through a maze to reach it. I still haven't figured out exactly what I want. I want everything. I want to love life. I want to do what I love all day and make a living out of it and have people appreciate it and see it as valuable and beautiful and worthwhile. And I want to inspire people the way I am inspired: to never stop, to always keep going. To be so full of determination that you're almost shaking with excitment. To be SO full of potential that you can't sleep at night because you have so many ideas and you just have to Go. Do. Something.

I want to live a life where I see beauty and share beauty. I want to help others live beautiful, meaningful lives. On a final note, I have an intervirew with The Peoples Shoe in Los Angeles. :) I'm applying to several more places tonight, so hopefully someone else will bite :)

In the meantime, here's my sketchdump.
Click for larger.

Moving Out | Moving On

Close my eyes, let the whole thing pass me by;
There is no time to waste asking why.


Sometimes I really hate packing. I dig up all my old memories from the dusty boxes I buried them in and WHAM; I am in emotional shock about things that I haven't given a second thought to in months.

So the lid goes back on. I must step out into my sunny new life.