You Didn't Say Goodnight.

You are the one I want and the only one I can't keep.

Nothing helps.

Bury it, deeply.

Only Thing to do is Jump Over the Moon

I'm just gonna say it.

I miss being in love.

I am ready for someone to light up my heart, give me butterflies. I am ready for the chase, I am ready for the thrilling rush of just sitting next to that person. I am ready, but the timing couldn't be worse. I'm thinking of moving back East to New York sometime in 2011(I REALLY want to live there at some point), depending on how things are going job-wise in California, but I know that I don't want to be on the Left Coast forever. I'm also set on going back to school, so depending on where I apply, I might be there. Wherever that may be. My dad says it will happen when I least expect it.

I hope he's someone really cool.

As You Come Bursting In | Like a Coffeeshop on a Cold Night

As 2009 draws to a close, I have been thinking a lot about this past year and how different life is since last January, and how different life will become as we bound joyfully into 2010. In the artist community I belong to, hundreds of people were filling out the following Meme:

A Year's Worth of Art | 2009
(click for larger version)




















Obviously, I decided I must do my own, and above is the result. It got me thinking a lot about how I make my art, and where I want to go with it. When posting the calendar to my DA account, I wrote the following sentiments:

"It's definitely been a time of transition for me. From working in the Development Dept of my college in Pennsylvania, dreaming of free time to paint... to busy, sunny Los Angeles to work for a Fashion Designer and having that influence my work in so many ways; I am really grateful for all of the experiences I had this year - good and bad. I have learned a lot about myself.

While I don't necessarily see an explosive leap of skill, I think I have been working diligently to increase my understanding of art and how I paint. (I have noticed, however, that I paint a lot of dark haired girls. Can't help it...) I have been especially focusing on lighting, composition, and rendering this past year. My goal for 2010 will be to become even better at lighting and mood and overall "togetherness" of a piece. I want to do more "whole" paintings with BGs, multiple characters, etc etc. This is a year to really challenge myself.

Thank you guys so much for supporting me. I am excited about what 2010 will bring!"

I have a long way to go, but there have been so many people encouraging me. I have a lot of people who watch my work and give me critique, and for them I am so thankful. Especially for the encouragement from comments like these:

"Kaeth: I think what you said in your comments on DeviantArt was spot on - you need to start thinking about composition and, for lack of a better word, cohesion, in a big way.

I looked through your gallery and you clearly can draw a figure, but it's boring when almost every piece is a dead centered beautiful woman/man with flowing hair/clothing in an ambiguous situation. Let your environments and compositions catch up to your figures; start thinking about the figure as only one element of a piece. Draw something ugly. Draw a picture with a figure but no face. Crop all the arms and legs, or make the picture all arms and legs. Or do a picture with no recognizable figure at all and express a concept through abstraction.

The point is that your work shouldn't depend on the strength of your figure drawing skills. I think the December picture is only scratching the surface of where you could go in terms of concept and composition."

I think she is completely correct about the direction I need to go in. I need more variety! I need weird people and deformed people and colourful people and big and small and everything else. I need environments and lighting and little fuzzy animals! All this to say: I have come up with my New Year's Resolutions. I will embarassingly admit that every year my resolution is to quit biting my fingernails. Alas, in 23 years, I have never been able to do it. I've been able to stop for short periods of time, but I always shift back into bad habits in stressful situations, when I'm bored, or when I'm watching a scary/thrilling movie.

Anyways, on to the resolutions! I have decided to create a working list here on my blog and I shall check off all the things I want to accomplish in 2010 as I complete them.

Erin's 2010 Boom-Shakalaka Resolution List of Awesomeness______//
[ ] Stop biting fingernails (lol yea right)
[ ] Eat healthier
[ ] Render a 4+ figure, full BG painting with action-oriented scenario
[ ] Get accepted into Expose 8
[ ] Do a show at Gallery Godo on San Fernando Blvd
[ ] Get a paid job!!!!!
[ ] Complete the 100 Themes Challenge : [Variation 1]
[ ] Go to a Convention (planning on AX and Otakon - I'm so cool...)
[ ] Figure out where I want to go to Grad School for my Masters in Illustration
[ ] Be more on time to EVERYTHING
[ ] Stay in better touch with friends
[ ] Repay my debts
[ ] Complete another Fashion Design Concept Set

...and more when I think of it. It is going to be a busy, happy year. I can feel it. :)

Then We'll Fly

"So where do we go from here?
With all this fear in our eyes.
And where can love take us now?
We've been so far down -
We can still touch the sky...
If we crawl, 'til we can walk again
Then we'll run, until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll flyyy
Until there is no end!
So let's crawl, crawl, crawl,
...back to love."

In a world of palm trees and movie stars______//

I feel like I belong. After living in LA for nearly 4 months, I can say that I truly enjoy it, despite certain difficulties that come and go, but life is like that. I find a deep sense of contentment in many aspects of my life there. For how long I will stay, I cannot say - life is also like that. I am learning everyday to rely on God's provision, as I have very, very limited income due to my job situation. But in the struggle for financial stability, I have learned lessons I couldn't have before; if you know me, I'm extremely independent and feel truly uncomfortable taking from others or being indebted to friends. Yet I have found that when push comes to shove, I have true friends who are willing to help me out, and I have learned to count yet more resounding blessings in my life.

My internship with Fashion Designer Ximena Valero has drawn to a close, and because of it being an unpaid internship, I am looking for another job right now to start after the holidays in LA. Actually, on my lay-over in Denver tonight, I was pleasantly surprised by a voicemail waiting for me about a job interview and an inquiry about my resume. I've also landed a few freelance gigs doing Fashion Designs for upcoming lines from designers in the LA area in addition to my regular commission work.

Ximena and I just got back from a really awesome Runway show in Culiacan, Mexico. It was a really cool experience - I surprised myself with how much Spanish I know! We were truly in the middle of Mexico, and no one spoke more than 3 words of English. It was definitely a challenge, but I am so glad I did it. We arrived Thursday night and went straight into a Press Conference for "Mujer" magazine, who sponsored the show and our whole trip out there. We met all the models for the show and watched them walk, then (because it was so late and we were staaaarving), went out to eat at a restaurant owned by one of our friends at the magazine. THE FOOD WAS AMAZING. I had tamales and enchiladas, and drank the biggest bottle of Coke I've ever seen. The next day, we got up early and went to supervise the hair and makeup for the models. During the day, Ximena and I collaborated on the model fitting and tried zillions of beautiful dresses on some very beautiful girls. The girls were all so sweet! Afterwards, as looks were being finalized, I planned the order for the girls walking the runway before getting pulled over to have my own makeup and hair done. The show itself was hectic (as was to be expected, haha), but the girls were amazing! There were a ton of photographs (see my facebook for pictures), but after all the excitement, we got to go out for tacos at an incredible Taqueria with Shayla, Ximena's former assistant from Tijuana who showed her new line as a precursor to Ximena's show, Shayla's boyfriend Carlos, and her brother. Again, THE FOOD WAS AMAZING. They were the best tacos I have EVER had. After tacos (and more Coke because I couldn't drink the water - I swear, I had more Coke in 3 days than the last 3 years of my LIFE), we drove down the street to a fair, selling all kind of crazy things in colourful tents. As we neared the back of the fair, there was a long staircase leading up to a church. It reminded me instantly of an Aztec temple, with hundreds of concrete stairs to climb. As we ascended the stairs, Ximena explained to me that you walked up the stairs to the church, bowed before the altar to Mary the Mother and Christ, and asked for something you really, really wanted. If you received it, you had to come back and climb the stairs on your knees to give thanks. As we were walking up, I saw pairs of people walking up on their knees. It was one of the most powerful things I have ever seen. Later, as I was standing at the altar, Carlos joined me and put a special prayer bracelet around my wrist as a gift for me. The Culiacani (?) were the most welcoming, giving, nicest people I think I have ever met. They all helped me with my Spanish, gave me tons of little gifts for absolutely no reason, paid for all my food without a second thought, told me how "bonita" I was.... My heart felt so thankful to have these people - who didn't even know me - care for me like a family member or an old friend, and I realized that I want to strive to be as welcoming and warm as they had been to me. We stayed out until 4 in the morning, walking around the church and browsing the stalls outside. I went to bed very tired, but very fulfilled. The next morning, we woke up and went to another Taqueria with more crazy good tacos. And yet again, THE FOOD WAS AMAZING. I told my companions in Spanish, "I will never eat Taco Bell again" and they all laughed. Afterwards, we drove to Mazatlan, boarded a plane, and then drove home in the rare LA rain.

While I have had my trials, this experience in LA was well worth the risk. And I am more confident in myself and where I am going. I have enjoyed working as Ximena's Events Coordinator and Assistant, and can see that the experience will lead me in a direction toward where I want to go.

I see myself going places, and though I have had to crawl my way to this point, it will be so that I can walk again, and then run, and then fly.