She is Not a Great Ruler of Men; No. She is Mortal, but with the Spark of the Sun.

I must confess I have been going through ups and downs of very intense homesickness. At times I feel bitterly forgotten by some, I am still very angry about betrayals that happened right before leaving that have not been resolved. I'm usually not a person to let things sit broken, but I feel that a serious apology is in order; I have not received it, nor do I expect to. I guess it will just continue to sit like a stone in my stomach until time slowly erodes it away. I always like to learn things quickly and easily. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that honest and loyal friends are hard to come by, and that some may seem like this kind at first, but turn their backs and kick dust in your face when it comes down to the line. The lesson to learn is never to be like that: to always be gracious and accountable for your actions and responsibilities. To always remember friends who have helped you and looked after your things, and to repay them with honour instead of spitting in their face and trying to leave without properly helping to pay your share of what you agreed to in writing and in friendship. To always uphold your end of the bargain because it is the right thing to do, instead of only looking out for yourself.

I honestly expected better, especially from someone who pretends to be such a Godly, righteous woman.
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In other news, LA is good. Like I said, I have my ups and downs, but on the whole, life is good. I am blessed. I've been working on illustrations of Ximena's Designs for a book that she wants to put together, I do a ton of her PR work, I have become quite the Miss-Fix-It with computers/telephones/doorbells/anythingelsethatbreaks, I go to a lot of Boutiques to help make sales, and I help with the construction of the dresses. This past Friday, we had a big photoshoot for Ximena's new Fall Line, featuring a lot of jumpers and bloomers, in warm, comfy jersey fabric. It was 5 hours long, but a lot of fun :) I am addicted to Entourage (and have been to a few of the places in the show, hah), am working on my first celebrity sighting, have a brand new espresso machine, and my aviators are practically glued to my face. Life is good.

Here's a WIP a painting I'm working on now; "All is Possible". Only the background is done - characters to follow this weekend. A girl and her beloved penguin soar in the sky together. Awww...

"For I hold your right hand, I the Lord your God, and I say to you, "Do not be afraid. I am here to help you."" --Isaiah 41:13

Denial

Find me here and speak to me,
I want to feel You, I need to hear You.
You are the light that's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength that keeps me walking.
You are the hope that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose,
You're everything.

And how can I stand here with You, and not be moved by You?

I am finally pursuing my art in Los Angeles, working for Ximena. I love working for her :) I still have to wonder what my ultimate goal is, though. I mean, here I am. For how long? What will I accomplish? Sometimes I feel selfish - I am given an answer I'm looking for, and then I only ask for more, more, more. Isn't this enough? Shouldn't I be content with where I am?

I'm tired of being stressed by logistics. I am weary of moving from place to place, living out of a suitcase, having no money... but God has more than shown that He will provide for me through the grace of friends. Why am I not satisfied?

This post is so emo. Here's a painting.